You’ve taken the brave step to start therapy, or maybe you’re exploring your inner world in your own quiet way. You’re hopeful, ready for change.
But then comes an unexpected setback. Maybe you find yourself reacting in ways that don’t make sense logically. Perhaps a small comment hits hard, or you feel low for no clear reason. And suddenly, it feels like you’re back to square one in your healing journey.
You might wonder at this stage: Am I doing this wrong? or, Is there something wrong with me?
Not at all.
Healing, especially from trauma, is rarely a straight line. And breaking old patterns is hardly an easy task.
The Myth of Constant Progress
It’s easy to expect therapy to feel like a steady climb: each session a breakthrough, each week a little lighter. But the truth is, change – whether we’re healing trauma, breaking old patterns, or finding our way through emotional stuckness – rarely unfolds so neatly. Much of it lives in the body, the nervous system, the unconscious.
And as we begin to bring those parts into awareness, it can stir up discomfort. And sometimes you might find yourself stuck in this feeling better – feeling worse cycle wondering will this ever end.
This is all part of the process. And the focus is on experiencing whatever comes up rather than packing it neatly into boxes created by our logical mind.
There is a huge gulf between knowing something intellectually and knowing it emotionally.
-Irvin Yalom
Logical vs Emotional Mind
Think of your mind as having two main parts: your thinking mind and your emotional mind. Your thinking mind is the part that understands things logically, this is where you analyse, plan, reflect. Your emotional mind, on the other hand, is deeply connected to your body and nervous system. It learns through experience, not logic.
When you react automatically to something, find yourself repeating a habit you know is not good for you, it’s usually coming from your emotional mind. It’s not that you’re choosing to respond this way, it’s that your nervous system learned a pattern to keep you safe, and now it’s running on autopilot.
The key to breaking any pattern isn’t just gaining self-awareness, it’s helping your nervous system experience safety in new ways so it stops reacting as if it’s in danger. You can read more on this topic here.
What Progress Actually Looks Like
- Having emotional reactions you used to suppress
- Realising a pattern you didn’t notice before
- Feeling more deeply, even if those feelings are hard
- Pausing before reacting, even if just once
- Letting someone see the real you, even a little
These are all signs of your nervous system and your inner world reorganising. No wonder it feels chaotic before it feels calm! You’re learning new ways of responding and relating, ones that honour your authentic self – that’s rarely an easy task.
Nothing is everything. In order to grow strong you must first sink your roots deep into nothingness and learn to face your loneliest loneliness.
-Irvin Yalom
What Helps Along the Way
In therapy, we gently pace the work, checking in with your capacity and building safety as we go. Some things we might explore include:
- Regulation tools for staying grounded
- Mindfulness to observe your inner process with kindness
- Compassionate reflection on how far you’ve come
- Art or creative expression, when words aren’t enough
You’re not moving backwards – you’re circling deeper.
Like a spiral, healing returns to familiar places with new insight and strength. You’re not alone in this.
Wherever you are in your process, whether you’re spiraling back through something familiar or pausing to notice your progress, you’re already doing the work. And that matters.
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