I’m back home from running a few errands in town. I step out of the car, and the sound of the door closing pulls me back into myself. Suddenly, I’m here. Present. I notice the softness of the spring afternoon, the familiar jingle of keys in my hand as I walk toward the door. But then I pause. How did I get here?
I try to recall the route I took. I assume it was the usual one, but I can’t remember actually driving. No clear memory of red lights, traffic, or people crossing the street. Not even of myself – my body, my hands gripping the wheel, my feet on the pedals. What was I feeling? I have no idea.
I was on autopilot. Zoning out. Spacing out.
I was dissociating.
What Is Dissociation?
Dissociation is a mental process where you disconnect from your thoughts, emotions, surroundings, or even your sense of self.
It can feel like a fog, a blank space, or like you’re observing your life from a distance.
The experience I described above is an example of mild dissociation, something many of us go through, like missing your turn while driving or realising you’ve read a whole page of a book without absorbing a word.
In those cases, dissociation can simply be a momentary mental escape, our brain’s way of taking a break, especially when life feels overstimulating or overwhelming. But while occasional zoning out is normal, frequent or intense dissociation may signal something deeper beneath the surface.
A Survival Strategy
Dissociation is one of the nervous system’s oldest protective responses. When things feel too much, emotionally or physically, our system can pull the plug on awareness. It’s the mind’s way of shielding us from pain that feels too big or too threatening to process.
Psychologist and trauma specialist Peter Levine explains this beautifully:
“In trauma, dissociation seems to be a favoured means of enabling a person to endure experiences that are at the moment beyond endurance.”
This can happen during trauma, whether it’s a one-time event like an accident or surgery, or an ongoing experience such as neglect or abuse. But it can also happen after the trauma, in moments when something in the present reminds our nervous system of danger from the past.
Our logical brain goes offline, and the emotional brain takes over. It’s not a conscious decision. It’s survival mode.
For many people, especially those who’ve experienced repeated childhood trauma, dissociation can become a default state, a learned way of being in the world.
What Dissociation Can Look Like
Sometimes dissociation is obvious. Other times it’s subtle, quiet, almost invisible. You might not even realise you’re doing it. Some common signs include:
- Gaps in memory or frequent forgetfulness
- Feeling emotionally numb or physically detached from your body
- A sense of floating outside yourself or feeling like you’re watching your life from afar
- Struggling to define who you are or feeling like a different version of yourself at times
- Becoming deeply absorbed in fantasy or daydreams that feel more vivid than reality
At its core, dissociation interrupts connection: to yourself, to others, to the present moment. Things feel flat, distant, or strangely hollow.
Learning to Cope and Reconnect
If dissociation is your mind’s way of protecting you, healing starts with learning how to come home to yourself – gently, safely, and slowly. There’s no quick fix, but there are ways to begin reconnecting.
Some grounding techniques that may help:
- Box breathing – Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold again. This regulates your nervous system.
- Slow, mindful yoga – Moving your body with awareness helps bring you back into the present.
- Dance with exaggeration – Let loose. Pretend your couch is a drum. Be playful.
- Engage your senses – Use essential oils, feel the grass beneath your feet, try a hot-cold shower contrast.
- The ice cube trick – Hold an ice cube in your palm and focus on the sensation. It grounds you in the here and now.
These are not solutions, but starting points. They help interrupt the dissociative state, but they don’t address the deeper reasons why it happens in the first place.
Healing the Root, Not Just the Symptom
Grounding helps bring you back into the moment. But long-term healing asks you to explore why you dissociate in the first place. It asks you to turn toward the pain or fear you’ve been unconsciously avoiding. That takes time, safety, and often the support of a therapist.
When we’re triggered, we move into survival states, either hyperarousal (fight or flight) or hypoarousal (freeze and dissociation). In these states, the rational, thinking part of our brain shuts down. We’re not “overreacting”, we’re reliving. A smell, a word, a facial expression can trick our system into thinking the past is happening again, right now.
The work is about helping your brain stay online during those moments.
It’s about not abandoning yourself, even when your body and mind want to shut down.
This healing is a process. A slow remembering. A returning to presence, to safety, to you.
Leave a comment